Fearless Wonder


"Let me get this straight" she said. "When I die.....my insides go to be with Jesus...and my body gets buried in a fancy box?"
"Well...yes" I said.
"Cool!"

Anneka is now 6, and she is, and has always been completely without fear. (Not to mention without pain-receptors anywhere on her body.) She tumbled down the stairs as a toddler more than once (not my fault, I swear) and never shed a tear. Just the other day, I thought it would be fun to take her to the local carnival/fair, and let her experience those fun little kiddie rides. Well...she did. And was bored quickly. Perhaps I'm just a big baby...perhaps other children are like this...but is it normal for an "almost-6-year-old" to beg to go on the scary adult rides? And, not only ask 
to ride, but to do so....completely enjoying the upside-down, lunch-hurling, mind numbing experience. I was terrified. Oh yes...I HAD to go, because they'd only let a little squirt like her go on with an adult. Since I was there...I was nominated.

I'd have to say that I completely fell apart. I lost all dignity. I was scared silly. 

"Mommy...why are you asking Jesus to help you?" Anneka yelled
"B-b-bbbecause I'm scared Anneka.....um...aren't you scared?" I called out
"NO WAY! This is fun!"
"I want them to stop the ride." I quaked
"Oh Mommy...no! That's not fair! Just hold my hand...you'll be fine" 

In that moment, this little girl was my hero. No question. 

She asks allot of questions about death, heaven, funerals...you name it. I started out being quite careful, especially when she asked what cemetery's were. "Well...when people die..." I began "they are put very gently in a pretty box...under the grass..."
My ultra sensitivity wasn't needed. She was completely intrigued by the concept. In fact, when we arrived home, she ran into Jason's office:

"Daddy! DADDY!!!! I know what I want to be when I grow up!"
"Oh yeah, Anneka? What's that?" he asked
"I wanna be a girl who buries dead people!"

I explained that perhaps she shouldn't share her future funeral-industry endeavors with her friends....because it may just freak them out.
She agreed.
"Some kids aren't as brave as me" she said.<p>

True enough.

Since the carnival episode, I look at my daughter with new eyes. I'm fascinated by her. In a moment, she stopped being a little kid, and became a future-woman that I'm totally in awe of. I respect her fearlessness in a way she can't even understand at this moment in her life.

And one terrifying thought goes through my mind: 

"If there was ever a child who was born with the "stuff" to be a Martyr....this is one."
I have much more to learn from her. Much much more.



Yvonne